Saturday morning, in bed with coffee and a problem….

…. this is what we used to do.  Knackered from a week’s work, we’d sit in bed and drink coffee and talk.  Talk about anything and everything.  Even though we’ve been together for, ages, nearly 14 years, we’ve never stopped communicating, never not found something to talk about.  I remember my sister telling me that once, sitting in a pub with her ex-husband, she saw a middle aged couple in the corner, sipping their drinks and staring into thin air.  She told me that she wondered if her and her then husband would ever get to that point.  That must have stuck in my mind, to whit I’ll drag up any bit of twaddle or nonsense that I have heard in an attempt to get a bit of conversation going.  So we ramble on in the mornings.  Now he’s not here and I’m at a loss.  It’s just not the same sitting in a big bed with a pile of pillows where he once sat.  And I’ve got stuff on my mind which I can’t tell him because I don’t want him to get upset on the “inside”, but I need to bring stuff out into the open, wave the problems around, give them an airing and make a decision on which way to go.

So you know what’s coming….. I’m going to ask if you have an opinion.  Obviously I think I know what I’m going to do, and what I bring out will be my biased version of events, but I’m stuck and don’t know which route to take.

In case you can’t be arsed, or are unaware of the background, I left my old job, because I had no contract of employment and because I wanted a steady job with better pay.  I knew I didn’t want to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire, so was overjoyed when I saw the advert for the job, after passing through two interviews and a typing test, I secured.  I was elated, just the job for me, working for an Agricultural Society, back to being a PA, but brilliant.  Lovely boss, lovely people, what more could I want.

After I had signed my contract of employment and begun work, actually on my first day, I arrived home where Husband advised he had attended his Plea and Case Management hearing and had pleaded guilty, on the advice of his Barrister, to all bar one of the counts against him.   Elated and deflated in one go.

So I carried on working, applying for just one day off to attend his Sentencing Hearing, where, as we know, he was sentenced to three years.  Here’s where I make a massive mistake.  Knowing that I would need to take calls from Husband at random times, thinking that I would be called by the prison for telephone number confirmation, wondering what the other staff would think of my not going on summer holiday, I decided to tell my boss the abridged version of what had happened.  Big error.

Here’s where my dilemma starts.  The Agricultural Society, is, as its name suggests a “Society” made up of a Board of Directors.  My boss, although extremely, genuinely, sympathetic to my tale of woe, explained that he would have to tell the Board to seek their opinion.  From memory I cannot think of how many are on this Board, say just under 10?  I know that one very understanding and kind lady has already said “it’s none of our business and I fully support her” (or words to that effect).  But someone, somewhere is obviously unhappy as it is now considered that I was not truthful in the interview process.

I didn’t realise I had access to my boss’ emails – I discovered yesterday, whilst he is on holiday, that I do.  Of course, going through his emails to respond to matters that needed urgent attention in his absence, I came across subject lines with my name on.  And of course I read them.  Someone is asking the question of how long my husband was engaged in the theft from his company because this is crucial information for determining whether I knew what was happening, and I suppose I should have revealed this in my interview……!

Can you imagine applying for a job.  Oh yes, madam, you have all the qualifications we require, and the experience, now tell us about your home life – is your husband engaged in any illegal acts, are your children straight or homosexual, your parents, did they engage in wife swapping…….

I know that what happened to my husband is completely irrelevant to any company employing me.  Because that is the key, they are employing ME.  However, I now have to make a decision – do I want to be employed by a company that bases its opinion of its employees on the actions of their family members?  I think we all know the answer to that one.  Problem is, I genuinely love the job.  Other problem is, and ah-ha….. I’ve just had an epiphany here…. I could look for another job.   Other problem was that of course I need the money and security.  But I could get this else where.

Ok, to compound the problem, my ex-employer, who enraged me at times, but who is a special and lovely lady, has asked me to come back.  I can’t.  I know it wouldn’t work.  She’s said she will match my salary, but she cannot offer me the pension contributions that have now become an important matter to me.  But then again, I would be working for the company I wanted to buy a matter of months ago.  Could I put up with her funny ways and stick it out?  You know, it’s tempting here and now.

I feel better already and you haven’t even joined me in this debate!  I need another coffee, and I need to get this house tidy – somehow, without husband around, everything is in a complete mess….. don’t know how that’s happened!

5 thoughts on “Saturday morning, in bed with coffee and a problem….

  1. Its not like you lied at all you just didnt tell them the inns and outs of your background! Was i supposed to tell this employer that my Husband has been arrested a few times and was once a heavy drug user (Not that it would matter to this lot) I think it is against the law to ask those kinds of questions anyway isnt it?? Stick it out! Let them say and do as much as they like. It wont dent you because your stronger than that! If they decide to get rid of you because of what (your husband) did then thats their loss! You dont need them anyway, you have us! A jobs there for the taking if you end this one because that person sees you for who you are and wont judge you for (your husband’s) mistakes, even if you had to take a pay cut at least you would be happy knowing she doesnt care about any of it!! I love you (blogger) very very much. Dont let them get you down, I think you have more support than you think xxxxxxxx

  2. (that’s from my niece) Thanks lovey, I’ve spoken with your mum and my husband now and you are right, if it comes to it I can easily find another job working with people of a stronger character. xxxxxxx

  3. Hi – husband of your former music teacher here – you’ll know who that is! Being truthful in an interview is, of course, a requirement – but only in response to the questions that you get asked. If they asked about your husbands situation at interview and you answered untruthfully, then that is a serious consideration for them. However, if they didn’t ask then you weren’t untruthful. They may have asked a “catch all” type question along the lines of “is there anything else that we should know about you that may be material to your appointment?” – but even them I suspect that this would have been about you and not your extended family. You have not been found guilty of anything, or even been accused of anything as far as I am aware, and so it is difficult to see how they could make a disciplinary case here, unless you did say something about your husband that wasn’t true, of course.

    Of course, they shouldn’t have asked you about your husband at the interview anyway. Asking someone at interview about their age, even whether they are married or not, if no longer acceptable. Questions can only legitimately be about the job in question and the candidates ability to fulfil it. Employers have an obligation to establish for themselves what is important to them at interview – but they cannot legitimately ask intimate details about the candidate, or any questions about their family situation. They can ask you for a CRB check, and can seek former employer and character references if they wish – but they should not, and cannot be prejudiced against you in respect of your family. So long as you answered their questions honestly and openly at the time, they have no grounds for further action.

  4. Thanks Husband of my former music teacher…. I am going to ignore everything and stick it out as if nothing has happened. I know they did not ask me anything about my family life, nor did they ask for references. They have now asked for references and I am only too happy to supply them, having no stain upon my character at all. Thanks for your advice though, it is welcome.

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