50th Birthday – Getting Trollied On One’s Own


Well, me being me, I just had to Google “trollied” to make sure I spelt it correctly.

Urban Dictionary: trollied

3. trolliedTo get so drunk that you have to be moved around in a shopping trolley. Rachelle got so trollied the other night that she woke up in a public bathroom 
Yes, you go for it Rachelle, one wonders if it was her 50th?
I can count on the fingers off one hand the times I’ve been “trollied” but I have never, ever, been carted around in a shopping trolley, it actually sounds quite fun, something I’d want to save to do whilst sober.  I have shot down the Isle of White toboggan run, on a trolley, but that was perfectly legal and above board and I might say a touch hair raising.
Right, a diversion here, I’m supposed to be cooking myself a birthday cake to share with the family tomorrow (we have a clutch of April babies).  I stuffed the mixture into, ok I admit, they aren’t 20cm cake tins, and I’ve just checked in the oven and it looks like aliens have landed.  Cake mixture has puffed up and erupted over the edges.  Don’t know if you remember the episode from Star Trek “The Trouble with Tribbles” but I think I’ve got Tribbles in my cooker.
Anyway, back to matters in hand, my Tribbles are not sun tanned enough to be removed from the oven so I have another 5 mins.  I did miss mumsy calling me at 7.30am singing “Happy Birthday to you…” and continuing with “this time 50 years ago I was…..”.  I haven’t had that conversation for 3 years (I think) and I’d give anything to go through the boredom again.  Where was I, see, the sparking shiraz is already taking effect.  What can one do when one finds oneself along on ones 50th birthday.  One looks into ones heart and one must ask oneself, what would make one happy on ones birthday.  What makes me happy is a whole bottle of previously referred to Sparkling Shiraz, a whole packet of Tyrells salt and vinegar crisps all to myself and later, just before I slip into unconsciousness, a succulent, over-ripe mango, which I selected from a leading supermarket the other day, for the specific purpose of sucking on.
Bloody Happy Birthday to me.  Goodnight.

One thought on “50th Birthday – Getting Trollied On One’s Own

  1. And would you have eaten the mango in the same abandoned way you sucked on it tonight? I dare say not. The only way I’d eat 6 oranges is on my own. It would be embarrassing, to say the least.

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